she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize