Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
