Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
