if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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