My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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