Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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