He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize