On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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