So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
