As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
