Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
