go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
