imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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