Do you still have your period?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
