Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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