So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
