Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
