did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
