Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
