Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
