It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
