I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
