so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
