he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
