We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize