So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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