I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
