I wish I only lived at night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
