I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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