I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
