We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
