So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
