I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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