Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
