Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
i drank out of a bidet.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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