I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
