Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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