So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
