at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
