walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
