You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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