Just fell off a train. Bad.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
