he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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