booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
