My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
