You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
