I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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