i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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