i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
