Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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