Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
