I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
