Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
