i'm signing you up for texting rehab
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize