dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
In America we eat man semen.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
