I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
