hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
