Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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