She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
