oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
