Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Randomize
