dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
