You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
