Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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