I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My ass is underappreciated
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
