We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
