whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
