if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
don't judge my taste in strippers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
