I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
