its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
