i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm having to shit out rocks
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