Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
