im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
