We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
