What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
