Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
