he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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