Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
