Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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