Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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