dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
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