3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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