why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
