i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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