if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
