I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
