I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
