By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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