How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
