I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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