when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
