Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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