So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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