Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
