You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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