I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
