Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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