If i could tip my vagina, i would.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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