I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
