I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize