best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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