you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
