Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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